October 8, 2025
Today marks the one year anniversary of the passing of Shirley Hauge – my partner for over 19 years and wife for 310 days.
Shirley was a fighter. She could be (very) stubborn and set in her ways. When told in her early 30’s that she had a genetic lung disease and had about 5 years to live, she would have none of that and lived another 30+ years.
When told she qualified for a lung transplant, but would need to improve her strength, she joined a gym and began swimming. Mind you, she was on oxygen at the time, so this meant me or one of the kids would go with her and walk a portable tank back and forth while she slowly swam a mile of laps. We called this walking the fish.
The three things that brought Shirley the most joy in life were kids, animals and entertaining.
Once she discovered her genetic condition she decided not to have any siblings for her daughter, Jessica. But she embraced my kids as if they were her own, was a generous and loving aunt to 20 nieces & nephews and always kept a toy box in the living room for any child who visited.
Once we became empty nesters, she began being a second mom to international students attended Valley Catholic High School. We hosted numerous kids from Japan, China, South Korea and Thailand. Two of them lived with us for multiple years and I will always look at them as my bonus daughters (now living in LA and NYC).
Shirley loved animals of all kinds. We always had multiple pets in the house – and of course they all slept in bed with us. As a kid she had horses and ponies and was a successful competitive horse jumper. She was notorious for giving food to pets when we visited friends – even if their owners would prefer she she not (see above for stubborn streak).
She was an animal whisper and could coax wildlife to her. Deer, birds and squirrels would come right up to her. I remember a trip to Central Oregon when she sat down and squirrels crawled right into her lap.
Entertaining and cooking for a crowd was what brought the most pleasure to Shirley. She didn’t know how to cook for less than 8 or 10. I attribute that to growing up in a big family.
Her annual Christmas party was an epic event. At its peak, we’d have 150-200 guests and Shirley would prepare dinner for everyone. By the time I came around, the party had been an annual ritual for over 20 years and it had tamed down a bit and the house would be clear by 2 or 3 am. But I heard stories about the early years when breakfast the next day was served to the stragglers.
When Shirley got her lung transplant in 2013, we had hoped that it would usher in a period of more energy and the ability to do more active things. But a postoperative infection nearly killed her and kept her hospitalized for six months. She never fully recovered from that but her stubborn determination kept her going.
Aside from the infection in 2013, her last 12 months were the most challenging. In late 2023, we took our second trip to SE Asia. This time to attend the wedding of our bonus daughter, Joy. But Shirley got Covid and by day 5 of our month-long trip, she was in an ICU in Cambodia.
After our return home, she began having issues with both her heart and kidneys. It seemed that medication necessary for one had negative consequences for the other. She was hospitalized 12 times in 2024, each lasting 5-9 days.
With her health conditions, we always realized that barring a sudden accident I would outlive Shirley. Talking about death isn’t easy, but we were able to have long conversations on the subject. Shirley recognized that her physical limitations put a damper and things that I liked to do. She encouraged me to rediscover these activities after she passed away.
My Camino journey is in part to commemorate Shirley and to rediscover activities I had put aside while partnering with someone unable to take them on.
A Camino ritual is to leave a stone along the trail, symbolizing removal of a burden carried through life. Since I left home, I’ve been carrying a stone that was given to Shirley that has the word “strength” inscribed on it. Shirley was the eptiome of strength. And in her honor I will cast that stone into the water at Finistere.
